Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
