Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
