They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
