Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
