I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
