moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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