The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
