I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
