Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
