I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
