I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
