my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
