THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
