I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
