my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
