Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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