my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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