the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
