He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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