i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
