Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
