Will you blow on my dice?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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