Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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