just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
