i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
