he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
