Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
