In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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