so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
