Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
