1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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