you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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