piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
