so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
