why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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