i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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