Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
