Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
