i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
