:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
