i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
