he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
