so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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