I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
