Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
