i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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