You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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