Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize