I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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