you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
