I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
