doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
