I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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