This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
