Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
