nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
