Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
