Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
