I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
