take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
