So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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