if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
