The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
