I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
