ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
