The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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