i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
