So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
