Kiss
Puke
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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